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Wednesday, October 5th, 2005
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7:47 am - It All Begins (You Missed A Bit, Though)
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The following is copy-pasted from our blog on blogger.
Ever since they told me, I've felt like a character in a book. When I told Sirene, being an addicted writer like myself, she wanted to write it. I agreed wholeheartedly. We'll probably post this on fictionpress too, but people there will so quickly see it as fiction that I suggested that we blog it too. So here it is- our story as it unfolds.
-- The Smart One
And Then I Discovered she was a Soul-Sucker, And Everything Changed
My name is Sirene Craig, and this is my story. I know, how cliche is that? Ok, ok, so it's OUR story. But besides that, all of what I first said is true. Well, except for the names in this. They've all been changed, admittedly even mine. I'm not even completely sure I want to write this, but I'm always up for more writing practice. Sadie and I are the writers in the 'group' as it has been so originally christened, and she's made a very important observation: that this is happening way too fast, and we need to record it somehow... So why not post it here? It works. Plus, there's always the chance this thing could kill us. Sadie's even in danger with this big-bad haunting around us, even though she can't see the ghosts. So, we will write it. Sadie, Ash, Anne, Persephone, Kevin, and I will all write our stories down. And, hopefully, we'll come up with a way to beat this. But if we don't... if something were to happen to all of us... Then I definitely want people to know. I don't want our story to go un-heard of. So I guess I'll just get out with it and tell complete and total strangers secrets I haven't been able to divulge to my best friends, the people I consider closer to myself than my own flesh and blood. Yep. Here goes...
I've had a connection with the supernatural for as long as I can remember. I could tell you what de ja vu was from personal experience before I started kindergarden. It was never anything big. It would just be worked into my mind somehow during a dream, like I'd be dreaming of what I thought kindergarten would be like and see all these uber-cool teenagers chilling out in a garden. And then... I'd be in some weird, boring room. It'd have other kids, around my age, playing with various toys and suddenly something would happen like the teacher would say 'Ok, kids! It's snack time! Now come on, who wants juice boxes?' And then I'd wake up. Now, being four years old, this just pissed me off. Dreams didn't mean anything to me, unless I could control them. Even now, when I know what lucid dreaming is and am often aware that I'm asleep, I can't control my dreams. So dreams just didn't mean anything to me. But I'm getting off topic. Anyways, this was only messing with my perfect view of how school would be. Pfft. Turns out, first day of school... Well, I bet you can guess the rest.
Then, I started talking to people in my dreams. It seemed I was feeling whatever they seemed to be feeling, which made sense since it was a dream. Right? I didn't find out they were ghosts until I was nine when my Grandmother, a wonderful person, passed away. I'm still kind of bitter about that. Anyways, after the funeral I ran into my room crying. And met someone. Outside of my dreams, that no one else could see. She had long black hair, and wore a long, black, simple dress... but the only thing that really scared me were her eyes, and perhaps her manner later on. Her eyes were black. Not just the colored part- her eyes were just totally black. And they seemed to shine, seemed abnormally wide. Like she had seen too much bad stuff for her own damn good. Like she had enjoyed causing too much bad stuff for her own damn good. But I couldn't recognize that then. All I could recognize was some nice, cool person who believed me about the dreams. Who said she would never leave me, no matter what... I stopped talking to everyone else. I knew my mother was on marijuana. I knew she drank too much. So I just stopped talking to her, too. I suppose that's when I really snapped, because my mom just.. stopped. My world just stopped, and I had to get by however I could. I was too shy to talk to my sister at all about this.
Eventually, people started sending Children's Protective Services around. They didn't do a damn thing. No one in my family did. I honestly believe now that they knew, but they just turned the other cheek. They just moved away and started their own lives. And hey, how can I blame them? Stick around for the psychotic kid who was ranting on about being able to see the future and talk to ghosts? Not likely. So, I did the only thing I could do. I retreated farther and farther into my own world, Jenette always by my side... And then things started changing in my dreams. It wouldn't just be my future I was seeing. In fact, it wasn't just the future at all. I'd see some woman getting raped in California. Or some little kid getting beat around by his father. And, like I said, it might even be happening right then as I was dreaming it. Eventually I got freaked out, and told Jenette about it. She laughed, but... it didn't sound right. But I shrugged and went on anyways.What else could I do? After it got worse, and these horrible things were all I was dreaming about... not to mention my mother's mental stability falling steadily in a downward spiral, I went to my school councilor. She saw the scratches my cat had left on me (Spot's really is a violent little bugger. I love him so much!) she asked if they were self-inflicted. I had no clue what she was talking about. She tried to explain it, but I couldn't quite get my head around the concept. So, later, I asked Jenette.
'Just do it,' I remember her telling me, smiling the whole time and urging me on. 'It will make you feel better.' But still I didn't. Why would someone want to cut themselves? Wouldn't that hurt? This seemed to piss Jenette off. 'Oh, grow up,' she snarled at me, and vanished. I was left speechless. Never, never, had Jenette been mean to me. She was my 'special friend,' you could almost say...
A few weeks after that incident, I found out she was evil. I won't go into detail now, because I'll end up having to explain it several times in the story, as I had to explain it to the group. But anyways, I was upset. Now I really didn't have anyone. What was it that Jenette had said cutting myself would do? How would it make me feel better? Ah, yes, that's it:
'It numbs your pain. It's kinda like... letting your pain seep out of you with your blood.' So, I went into the bathroom and pulled out my mother's razor. I pressed it into my skin, but no blood came out. It just left two little pink marks, and it stung. Still, I grit my teeth and tried it again in a few other places. Now my arm really stung, and still all I had to show for it was a bunch of little pink lines. The pain seemed to seep out and cover every inch of my body, and now I could see little droplets of blood oozing out of each and every one of those little pink marks. Oh. So it just took a few seconds for the blood to come out. Kind of like in those movies where a huge metal sheet or something swoops right through the guy, and at first you think he's fine, but suddenly his body just ' slicks,' right onto the floor. Pretty soon my whole arm was covered in blood, and I had to get a bunch of toilet paper to wipe up that blood and to stop the blood which was still seeping out. I smiled to myself, more of a smirk, really. So it did help. But not in the way Jenette said it would. Hm, big surprise there! Another lie from her. It's not like it just made everything go away. On the contrary, it kind of made me more aware of all my problems. It was like I could just take these various instruments and people could see how I felt on the inside- I could finally tell how ugly I was. I could make my skin look as mangled as my heart felt. I was still nine years old.
About two years later, I started sixth grade. I had been cutting for a while, but decided to slow down on it. Jenette was still hanging around, and I could get a vague image from ghosts by what they were feeling. And so I learned the word for what I was: Empath. I couldn't tell for sure what living people were feeling, although my intuition was usually pretty good in that area. No, I could only feel what ghosts were feeling. And it was strong enough that I could get a vague outline of them, more often than not. But, getting back on track, I wanted to stop cutting so I could wear short sleeves again. I still wanted to be in physical pain as well, but I had made a decision. Giving into this like I had when I was ten would mean my 'family' would have won. They would have completely broken my spirit, and it would have been as good as admitting they were stronger than me. I was still kind of shaky from when I was ten. That was when I found out Jenette could suck your soul right out of you, and also when I had tried to comit suicide. Remembering what my mom had said one night after she got in a fight with my dad:
'He'd be doing you and me both a favor if he just went into his shower and slit his fucking wrists.' Would that really kill you? I decided to find out. Anything was better than continueing to live the way I was then. So, I went into the bathroom and slit my wrist open. Luckily, it hadn't been deep enough, so when I chickened out and realized that I didn't want to die I just stopped the bleeding. Ok, back to sixth grade.
I was feeling kind of like I had lost the battle. But the war was most definitely still going on. At one point I became friends with a pair of sisters, let's call them Akira and Michi. Akira was older, in the seventh grade, but she was supposed to be in the eighth.We got to talking, and apparently they could actually see ghosts.They started telling me about some old lady named Alice.
That night, lo' and behold, Alice came to me in my dreams. She was one of those annoying beings that control who knows, who has these gifts, who loses them. And she decided she likes to pick on me. So, she gives out all these riddles, along with absolutely NO other valuable information unless you count her having an extreme fondness for Earl Grey tea while she was alive. And she kept coming back. Eventually I started learning how to crack some of her code, and found out some valuable stuff. You could learn how to shut out the ghosts, but once you did, the information was closed off to you forevermore. That that particular part of your brain just shut its self off. That over the years my powers would grow, as I had already deduced... And that some thing was going around, erasing people's memories very strategically. That the people who had their memories erased never got to live happily ever after, if they got to live at all. I got worried, but Alice told me I wouldn't really have to be for a few more years. Greeeaaat.
My mother and I moved... again. We had already moved from one apartment to another before I started sixth grade. Now we were moving again. Eventually, we ended up homeless. We stayed at the Salvation Army for a few nights. For two weeks I got to stay with my sister in North Carolina, and I felt normal for the first time in years. She said I could go live with her whenever, if things ever got too tough with our mother. She knew how our mother could be. But she lied. Her and her husband sent me back to Florida so I could be with our mother again. And I still can't blame them. They had been married for four years then, and were trying to start a family of their own. Then we moved into my aunts, where, goody-goody-joy-joy, I got to sleep in a bathtub. And finally... my fathers. Where they got to spend some quality time smoking marijuana together in his one room apartment, where I got to inhale it through the vents in the closet door. Have I mentioned how incredibly ecstatic I was during this period of my life? Yeah. I thought you could probably tell. Eventually, we moved into this absolutely huge house, where we're living now, once my mother started getting disability money from the time she spent in the army. All of three months. Anyways, this house: totally awsome. Four bedrooms, two bathrooms, about an acre of land, and a pool. Still only me and my mom living together. Isn't it sweet?
So... I started seventh grade. My new school was a charter school for the arts, and had a lot of classes to offer. You could take dance, orchestra, band, painting drawing, and various other branches, all with little catagories of their own. It was all for free. It was all overwhelming. I decided to take Modern dance, Theatre, and Ballet. I did great in all of the above.. you know, except in Ballet. The teacher just liked to pick on me, and it seemed beyond her comprehension that I was a beginner and just couldn't do a lot of the stuff yet. I had managed to go without cutting most all of sixth grade, with the one exception of a breakdown I had after a huge fight between my mother and I.
Anyways, around December, whilst we were all practicing for the Dance Showcase our school was putting on a girl nick-named Ash, for Ashleigh, started talking to me. I knew her by face only, and that she was always with... some girl. I had never really caught her name. As it turns out, after a few sessions of Ash leaving us alone to talk... We become great friends. Her name was Anne. Long, long story short- we became great friends. Until I met Sadie and we became friends, Anne was the only person I had ever completely trusted. I love Ash. I did then, too. It's just... I'm scared to talk to her sometimes. She's the one who manages to be friends with us--the Supernaturalists-- and the 'preps,' at the same time. She's led a somewhat normal life, compared to the rest of us at least. But she's always been the strong one. Ash could probably HANDLE living my life.And I'm scared as hell she's going to leave me, too. Anyways, this brings us up to the begining of eighth grade, where we are now. I became great friends with Sadie, Persephone, and Kevin asked me out. This big-bad is now paying attention to all of us, and that scares me, too. Actually, another fear: I'm scared as hell that they're ALL going to leave me... and I don't think I could handle that. I'd trust each and every one of the Supernaturalists with my life. I just hope they know that...
--The Angelic One
We would never leave you! You should know that!
--The Smart One
A.K.A. The Normal One
There isn't much to my story-- or at least nothing particularly interesting pertaining to the central plot. There are only two particularly interesting things, other than me joining the group, of course.
1) Angel. Don't ask me what she is, as I'm not quite sure. She came around third grade. Maybe fourth, but I'm pretty sure it was third. Anyway, first thing you're thinking is probably imaginary friend, right? Well, I didn't realize that until later. But whether she was an imaginary friend or not, even if I thought she was, she was still always there. Don't imaginary friends go away once you stop believing in them? I can't really say I ever stopped believing in her, and besides, it's nice to have her around. By the way, her name is Angel because I originally assumed she was a guardian angel, and I couldn't come up with a better name. I think I came up with one when she first manifested, I guess you could say, but I don't remember it now. Furthermore, I doubt that I'm insane and she's an alternate personality because we have too much in common. Unless I grew to be like her. . . But I doubt it. Besides, I finally have a little proof that she's a guardian of some sort:
Over the weekend I turned thirteen. Among other girls, Sirene and Ash stayed over. The other girls wanted to sleep, but we wanted to stay up later, so, under the premise of Truth or Dare, we went to my room, which was down a short hallway. Eventually we started talking about what's going on these days (you know, with the ghosts) and we got into getting the full stories out of each other. Finally, I knew all of Sirene's and Ash's stories. Well, almost. Then Sirene warned us that Jenette was in the area. She said that Jenette's attracted to gatherings of people that "know," if you know what I mean. I pointed out that it was a good thing that Persephone and Anne weren't able to come. Then we really would've been in trouble.
Of course now we were all freaked out, and Sirene was particularly stressed because Jenette kept sending her images, which apparently she likes to do a lot when she's around. Stuff like Jenette lying in my plant shelf (one of the walls in my room goes up, and then stops about a foot or two away from the ceiling and goes in. A good place to store stuffed animals, etc.) being all bloody and the like. Then a bit later she asked me if I had some kind of protection around the house. I told her that I didn't, and I hadn't even gotten around to our personal charms yet (haven't gotten the supplies) let alone warded the whole house. The part where I hadn't even thought of it didn't really help. I asked her why, and she replied that Jenette was outside and really pissed off because she couldn't get in. Now, as far as I know, Angel is always with me, even when I'm not talking to her. And since she's really the only protection I have, and I've been asking her to protect us all ever since I found out, that's gotta count for something, hasn't it?
2) The second thing is really just that I'm pagan, and believe in the supernatural, etc. I think I'll save some of that for a later date, as Sirene is talking to me on AIM and she's very impatient.
One last thing. I have been complaining a lot lately about being normal, and at the party while Ash was telling her story she pointed out that I might not be as normal as I might think. So after she finished I asked her what she meant. She originally wouldn't tell me, but eventually I irked her and she spilled that she doesn't know what it is, but there's something about me. I suspect that she's lying about not really knowing, but I'll wait to see how things play out until Samhain, and if nothing happens I'll annoy the hell out of her until she tells me what's really up.
Well, my dears, that's all for now!
-- The Smart One
Another Sleepless Night
I know this can't be normal. I practically never sleep at night anymore, if it's at all avoidable. When I do, it's only for a few short hours. Why is this, you might ask? Well, if you've read the little- little being a term loosly used, mind you. It was like super-long post; anyways... I was telling all of you about how Jenette was the one who originally expanded my dreams to other people. In other words, they were no longer limited to my future at all. Or even the future, period. So since that started happening way back when, I tried to get as little sleep as possible. Say, go to sleep around midnight, wake up around seven. It worked pretty well. But now, this thing has been bothering me.
It started as footsteps. And then scratches/taps on my window. And, eventually, odd shadows that followed me around. So for the past few weeks, my hours have been more like three am to six thirty am. And, once again, school's already started. But I'm getting by ok, what with Sadie constantly keeping me attentive with her vigilant wit and sarcasm. Plus it probably helps when you strategically plan out five minute naps...
--The Angelic One
Oy Vey, Sirene!
Yeah, you know how Sirene was just talking about how little she sleeps? Well this morning at school we didn't see her before school started. That was very odd. The bell rang, and she wasn't around. Finally, she magically appears at lunch (it wasn't really magical, it's just something I like to say) and everyone runs over and hugs her and asks where she was and tells her how we were worried (or at least, I told her that, anyway). Guess what happened? No, it wasn't anything particularly exciting; in fact, it should've been expected.
She slept in. Until 10:30. School starts at 9:45. We didn't see her until 11:30. You do the math. I've been telling her to sleep, as, unless she hasn't been telling me something, she hasn't been getting any of her wierd dreams lately. I kept telling her, but he kept staying up anyway, so apparently her body got sick of her crap and shut down around 3 am this morning. Oy vey, Sirene. You need to start paying attention to your body. Listen when it tells you things!
Have you ever questioned who you are?
Have you ever been walking out in your yard and heard someone walking behind you? Then when you turned around there was the cat you helped bury two months ago? I think not. I have that strange cursed gift. You know, the one where you can see ghosts? Anyway, I have had it since I was ten. My mother explained everything to me then and keeps explaining to me now. ghosts are a part of who I am I don’t know why. I opened that door. Basically, mom told me about them. She told me about how I am only a small part vampire. Okay, time to burst your bubble now: I don’t melt or burn in sunlight, no I don’t drink human blood, no I don’t … oh wait I do have teeth.
I know the first thing you're thinking: "God did this girl take her meds?" No, I didn’t because quite frankly, I don’t need them. I am, well, not all sane but you could say I know quite enough to get me by. Which I will tell you later. Well I finally saw ghosts, but it's not like they changed my life too much, as far as being a traumatized little kid. I headed off to 6th grade none the wiser where I met a bunch of people who actually liked me! Among them was Jason, Ash, and Persephone. The weird thing is they understood me! But things started to happen, weird things. It not my part of that story to tell because it’s really none of my business; it is Ash’s .
Then the seventh grade started. Boy, was that hell. I can’t remember ever crying so much. My friends were cutting and pill popping. Not the best thing. You, see what made it worse was the fact that the ghosts were there the whole time and they were getting worse. I was panicking and I didn't know what to do. I almost started cutting. But things started clearing up and I was developing my good guessing skills. Hey you gotta do something, right? Anyways, we went off to eighth grade. Not too bad off: the cutting had stopped and there were no pills flying about. But this thing started up and believe me it is not a ghost and for once I am scared because we are dealing with something bigger than us. But that's all I know for now. And so I'll ask you just this: "Do you believe in ghosts?"
--Da Good Guesser
Things are Getting Wiggy on us Here
I don't know what I can say. All I know is that we all need to watch out. Keep on your toes. KD (Sirene's boyfriend) has had some freaky shit going on and he has see Cami (it) for a few days now . . . he thinks she might be trying to take over. I told him to go home, take a few Advil and build up his defenses just in case. This goes for all of you. I don't want to see anyone hurt here do you understand? Some weird shit's been happening to Ash and if it has reached Ash I don't want to know what's going to happen next. Ok, so just build up your defenses. Keep your eyes peeled and be careful. I love you guys and if something tries to hurt you, even if it's stronger than me, it's going down. Like seriously down like a pancake! kk ttfn
--Da Good Guesser
current mood:  accomplished
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